Oh, The Brave New Bipolar World

If not to Oxford, then to Pyongyang.

Excellent news for students and applicants: Belarus and North Korea have agreed on inter-university cooperation. The Minister of Foreign Affairs went to Pyongyang and agreed on everything. Unforgettable adventures and amazing discoveries await Belarusian students.

For example, student exchange. Actually, other types of cooperation are no longer needed: it will bring both adventures and discoveries. Of course, for North Korean students, an exchange with Belarusians will be a joy: at least there is food in Belarusian stores. At least the guys will be able to eat their fill.

As for compatriots who will be sent to North Korea for excellent studies and exemplary behavior, they will have to prepare. I read several stories of Russian students who studied in North Korea. They were happy to study there and said that everything was fine. There was only one bathroom per floor in the dormitory, and no shower — students washed in basins or once a week in a public bathhouse, where they are taken by bus. And hot water from the tap is only available in winter at a strictly designated time — from 7 to 7.30 in the morning. At other times of the year, there is no hot water at all, and no Internet either — it is not supplied even in winter. And the stairs between the floor where foreign students live and the floor above, for locals, are walled up so that they do not cross paths without supervision. Oh yeah, and foreigners are not allowed on the metro in Pyongyang until they check their documents and find out the purpose of their trip. Perhaps there is some secret meaning in this inter-university cooperation? Students, as we know, are freedom-loving and spiteful people. They can keep quiet and pretend that they joined the BRYU of their own free will, but they can still despise the authorities and laugh at their stupidity — at least among friends. Send such students to North Korea for at least a couple of semesters, deprive them of the Internet, hot water and a shower, make them lay flowers at the monument to Kim Il Sung and explain in the metro where and for what purpose they are going — and then bring them back home. They will come to Belarus, where there is hot water and the Internet, and everyone is allowed in the metro, and they will sincerely convince everyone that our country is the freest in the world. Moreover, they themselves will believe it.

However, our rulers do not have enough imagination for multi-move games, especially with a delayed result. So it is unlikely that there is a hidden intent here. Rather, something else needs to be done: after the exclusion of Belarus and Russia from the Bologna process, it is necessary to come up with at least something similar to international activity. And the DPRK turned up by the way. And a couple of weeks ago they also signed agreements with Iranian universities.

I don’t know how it will be in Belarus, but in Russia, one needs to win a competition to get into the DPRK. Just the other day, a group of Russian high school students went to the North Korean camp “Sondovon”, where the morning begins with everyone going out at 6.30 with brooms to the site with monuments to Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il and sweeping it to show respect for the leaders. So, in order to spend the summer so wonderfully, it was necessary to write a competition essay on the topic “The role of Russia in the new multipolar world”. There were many who wanted to: three and a half thousand applicants for 250 places. My colleague from Novaya Gazeta, while writing an article about this, found the mother of one of the girls who went to the DPRK on social media. So, the mother said that the family had long wanted to visit South Korea and saved money for it, but decided to start with the North. It's like saying “I wanted to send my child to a health camp in the south, but decided to start with a correctional labor camp in Kolyma”. It didn't work out with South Korea — we'll go to North Korea instead. If a normal life doesn't work out, we'll live in slavery. If our little offspring doesn't get into Oxford, then fine, they'll go to Pyongyang. That's also abroad, by the way.

So, essays on Russia's place in the new world are not a total waste of time. The topic is important, relevant. Only we are speaking here not about a multipolar world, but the bipolar world, with only two poles. On the one hand, civilization, progress, freedom. On the other, the dark Middle Ages, wars, prisons. And trips to North Korea as an incentive.

Iryna Khalip, exclusively for Charter97.org

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