Call Orderlies!

Russia has set a record for schizophrenia.

Of course, almost any story devoted to the election of the President of the Russian Federation could become the subject of a humorous story or psychiatric research. But, in the end, long before us, Hohol or Saltykov-Shchedrin had already been engaged in such research, so once again writing about the residents of the city of Glupovo, standing in lines in protest, means pointless competition with the classic authors. These elections set their records of schizophrenia. Vladimir Putin made his special contribution to the success by the number of voters, happy with his endless rule, which makes us cry with the participation scale and his statements. If even the first mention of the name of Alexei Navalny in his life turns into a sensation that all the world's media write about, it means that he did not go out to journalists in vain.

I was most interested in the words of the Russian president about "sanitary zones" – perhaps precisely because I live in the country on the territory of which he was going to conquer these zones. Because the story of "sanitary zones", which should protect Russians from raids and shelling, is illogical in its very essence.

It is illogical even from the aggressor's point of view. Because if the aggressor conquers the territory that should protect the population of Russia, and then annexes this territory to Russia itself, then he thus condemns himself to the conquest of a new "sanitary zone". Crimea could have become a "sanitary zone" for Sevastopol with its Black Sea Fleet base, but Putin annexed Crimea. The Kherson region could become a "sanitary zone" for the Crimea, but Putin annexed the Kherson region. What's next? To Mykolaiv and Odesa? But if the Russian army had conquered the Ukrainian south, then the danger could have come from Moldova, which still does not recognize the separation of Transnistria with its Russian citizens. And if Moldova is conquered and annexed, then Romania should become a "sanitary zone" for it, from the territory of which it is necessary to first remove the latest weapons, as, by the way, Putin demanded before the attack on Ukraine in February 2022. So where is the border of the Russian "sanitary zones"? In Lisbon?

"Sanitary zone" from Lisbon to Vladivostok, as bequeathed to us by the immortal Charles de Gaulle?

Of course, someone can say that Putin does not need "sanitary zones", but medics. But, if you think about it, is he extravagant in his intentions? Isn't the whole history of Russia the history of "sanitary zones"? Ryazan and Tver were burned to protect Moscow. To protect the burned Tver, they conquered and destroyed Smolensk. To secure Smolensk, the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth was divided. In order to protect the annexed territories, they sent troops to Lviv and Ternopil – and they were sending to the collapse of the empire, after which they started all over again, built new "sanitary zones" after the occupation of the breakaway territories, lost everything again and, finally, again understood how to fix the "biggest geopolitical catastrophe of the twentieth century". New "sanitary zones"! Call orderlies!

But Putin, unwittingly, gave us a new reading of Russian history and geography. Not regions, but "sanitary zones"! To protect one, you need to conquer and destroy the next – and so on a meaningless ring for how many dull centuries in a row! Is it surprising that the layman feels safe only inside the ring – the Garden Ring, because already outside his perimeter he finds himself in the "sanitary zone" of houses being blown up on occasion? But suppose we perceive the rest of Russia as a "sanitary zone" of the Kremlin and Rublevo-Uspensky highway. In that case, it should be recognized that Putin managed to build a truly ideal state – and his merits in the arrangement of "sanitary zones" around this state are not yet sufficiently appreciated by grateful voters.

Vitaly Portnikov, Radio Liberty