Lifelong Bunker-Bounded

A ball with Klim Chugunkin's pituitary gland.

What's this term in a row? Fifth? Sixth? Seventh? No, a lifelong one. As a sentence, as an eternal deprivation of liberty. Moreover, it is voluntary.

All this talk in favor of the poor, winking, eyebrow wiggling, hints of change – just a sugar bone thrown to a horde of analysts and political scientists to have something to do. They rushed to this bone, as if on a signal, and for months with a clever look they discussed whom Lukashenka was preparing for his successors – either Vitsia, or Kachanava, or Krutoi, or the devil from the snuffbox hidden for the time being. Now political scientists can go on vacation: no devil is hidden in the snuffbox.

And for us, Belarusians, everything was clear from the very beginning, and we did not expect any surprises. We knew that Lukashenka would extend his term until the last day. But is it really possible to dream of dying in a bunker? This is the only thing that I have not been able to understand for many years of the current government.

It's hard for us. We are scattered across countries and continents, cities and streets. We do not know what will happen to us tomorrow and where we will end up. Several dozen of my acquaintances, who declared "I will never leave, let them imprison me better", are now settling in new states, forced to flee with just few belongings. It's very hard not to have soil under your feet. But despite all the intolerability, unsettlement, and uncertainty, we have something that dictators consciously deprive themselves of. Liberty.

We can break off with one backpack and go to friends in another city. Or to another country. Or just in the woods. Or we can go outside without a backpack, because it was raining, which we were waiting for. Or because the lilacs are blooming. Or just wanted to walk around the city aimlessly, staring at the windows and passers-by. And they – those who voluntarily locked themselves in bunkers - can not.

We can see an old acquaintance on the other side of the street, wave our hands and yell, “Hi! Wait! Long time no see! Then run over to the other side, stand for half an hour and exchange news and instantly change plans to take a walk together and go wherever your eyes look. They cannot.

We can make dates and sit on the sand under the stars. We can go to a restaurant with friends and laugh out loud, remembering funny stories from the past. We can go over and dance on the bar, and in the morning we can call back and laugh even more. They cannot.

Even in prison, we know that one day all this will happen – rain, travel, a walk, and dancing on a bar. And they know they never have it. They can only visit each other from bunker to bunker in armored guarded vehicles. And no other way, never.

I can even understand the logic of those who seek power for the sake of big money: use it, earn or steal, and then enjoy life on board a superyacht, for example. But to doom yourself voluntarily to eternal imprisonment and loneliness, to say goodbye of your own free will to freedom and to the world? To have billions but can't spend it, planes but nowhere to fly, expensive utensils but no one to see it. To deprive yourself of the right to friendship, love, travel, sincere conversations until the morning. To know that until your death, you will be surrounded only by the gloomy faces of the guards, who are taotally indifferent to you. It's like fighting at the prison gates to let you in, and jumping into a cell for life prisoners. No, this is not characteristic of a human being.

A person wants to rejoice, enjoy, have fun. Voluntary anhedonia is a sign of a being of a different, non-human origin. Even if he doesn't have a head on the screws, he's no longer human. A humanoid, "anchutka", a ball with Klim Chugunkin's pituitary gland – anything, but not a human. He is doomed to hide in his dungeon and avenges us for it. That's why he hates people – he knows he can never be like us. And that even if he dares to go out to people, he will not live long.

Iryna Khalip, especially for Charter97.org

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