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Propagandists, Axes Up

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Propagandists, Axes Up
Iryna Khalip

Getting ready for the logging?

In the moments of a particularly sentimental mood when I feel pity for everyone around me, I sometimes feel pity for the Belarusian propagandists, too. Imagine what a horrible life they live, just think about it. They are not allowed to think. They are not allowed to open mouth without a command. They are not allowed to come up with topics. In general, they are not allowed to work. Reading press releases and retelling them is not work. Not a propaganda pool, but a kind of kennel: voice! yuck! take him! Sometimes, of course, I gloat, but sometimes I feel pity.

Apparently, even Lukashenka has felt pity for them recently. He has at least some entertainments in life - to fly to Sochi, drink with Putin, shake handcuffs in front of Tertel and watch him turn pale. Though, there are no other entertainments, and even these are dubious, Still, there are some. Propagandists do not have even that. They just follow their master in a disciplined manner day by day, sit on stumps and pretend his words matter, read adopted questions and giggle when the scenario demands it. When they are free, they are bored, yawn and try to come up with at least something. Otherwise, one can be bored to death.

But they're not allowed to come up with entertainment either. They, poor things, feel completely happy when Lukashenka let them scamper, play games. At such moments, they temporarily convince themselves that, in principle, they are lucky: they do nothing, they do not have to think at all, but they will be given a lollipop and allowed to run with the ball for timely and accurate execution of commands. Lukashenka is stingy in this respect. He won't allow any fooling around. He does not unleash them often. On November 7, he decided to set a real birthday party for propagandists: they will host the championship in chopping firewood.

Do not be surprised. It's not a fantasy. On Wednesday, a cheerful order was sent out to all state media: "Taking up the baton from the president of the country, journalists have announced they want to prove they can do more. A unique opportunity to demonstrate one's skills is coming! The wood chopping championship gives a chance to reveal working talents, win good prizes, strengthen the team spirit and just have a great time outdoors."

It's not a joke. They've got it in earnest. The order is not just to delegate a drunkard from the propaganda pool in exchange for a bottle but to send a team of at least four people from each media outlet, and to make sure each team includes two women. The firewood chopping championship will be held in three stages: chopping, log-cutting, and relay race. Women do not participate in the log-cutting, but in the chopping of firewood and the relay race. The relay race is a particularly important part of the championship. First, the teams will be cutting the logs into 6 poppet heads with trump saws. Then they will saw poppet heads into blocks, then they will make a fire and burn the rope over the fire in the end. The first one who burns the rope is the champion. The team of judges was not announced yet (Tertel and Karpenkov, maybe?), but the rules of the championship are strict: a fine for cutting the red line, a penalty for a block of over 10 centimeters, disqualification for fuels and lubricants when setting fire.

The winner receives, apparently, a deep moral satisfaction and the realization that he finally is in his place and even engaged in some work. A simple and clear slogan lures propagandists: "Do you know what a log is? Then come to us!" Yes, of course, to you. Where else are they to go, who know nothing but logs. Have a good job.

Given such an experience of propaganda, it's not too generous on the part of the regime to provide one option for fun. Therefore, I propose to take a creative approach and, besides chopping wood and bucking, to hold the championships in sitting on one's hands and not giving a damn. There will surely be those to fight for the title of the champion.

Iryna Khalip, specially for Charter97.org

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