28 March 2024, Thursday, 19:36
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Grandpa Schwonder and His Grandchildren

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Grandpa Schwonder and His Grandchildren
Iryna Khalip

So, are we going to make a film?

When I watched the video of the meeting of the Brest District Election Commission, which recalled the decision to register Palina Sharenda-Panasyuk, it seemed that I had seen all this before. I don't remember where. I don't remember when, but I did. The longer I watched, the more familiar the picture was. At last, I realized that now the members of the commission will rise and sing: "The harsh years of struggle for the country's freedom go by. Others replace them, they will be desperate as well".

Well, of course. It's "The Heart of a Dog", a meeting of the house committee held by Schwonder. Do you remember them they gave the names for twins born in the house (Klara and Rosa, of course) at the meeting, and then they all rose and sang "Harsh years go by"? So, they did not go by. And Schwonder also remained.

My generation grew up knowing that Schwonders once existed, but fortunately, they died out. We still met some of them during the USSR agony. The generation of my parents spent most of their lives fighting off Schwonders and learning to avoid their interest. The generation, born in independent Belarus, is naive to think that Schwonder is just a character invented by Bulgakov and brilliantly played by Roman Kartsev. We are all mistaken. This is not a character and not an extinct species. Schwonders are very much alive today.

Entire Belarus and some post-Soviet states are filled with them. The way of reproduction is brainwashing. Habitat is election commissions of all levels; ideological departments of everything that moves; the BRYU and Belaya Rus; executive committees, schools and universities; colonies and state media. However, there are especially many of them in election commissions compared to ideological departments.

"The information of the day 22nd. The picket had a different purpose".

"I heard the word "demands" at the picket. Are demands right at a rally?"

"When presenting the program of a parliamentary candidate, we should inform what the candidate is going to do, not tell the truth".

"Using sound-amplifying equipment, libel and insults were sounded against officials of the Republic of Belarus at all levels".

"If she was running for the presidency, then maybe..."

"We informed that we got the material late."

"Your truth does not correspond to the one known by the voters of Leninski district".

Do you think I'm quoting "The Heart of a Dog"? A meeting of the house committee held by Schwonder? No, these are comments of members of the Brest district election commission. They exchanged them while annulling the registration of Palina Sharenda-Panasyuk. It's like this hundred years hasn't passed, has it? As if Stalin hadn't died, the USSR hadn't collapsed, the Internet hadn't appeared, and the borders hadn't been opened. As if time had frozen in amber tar, and we are like flies in it. We are glad to escape, but the tar won't let us out.

By the way, I saw the real Schwonder. He now thrives in the Partisanski District Commission. He came to our picket for signatures collection and threatened with jaw-dropping punishments and was so incredibly similar to the character that I couldn't but ask: "How did you make it to the commission?" Schwonder answered with pride:

- I was nominated by grannies of our entrance on Budyonnogo, 8!

- What grannies? What entrance? The dialogue was so reminiscent of Bulgakov's one that it even seemed for a moment as if it wasn't the twenty-first century. He immediately confirmed it:

- What do you mean "what grannies"? Ordinary grannies, I'm the chairman of the entrance!

District commissions are the perfect breeding ground for Schwonders. They are harmless as long as they stay on the benches at the entrances. But once grannies nominate them, Schwonders revive and have a sense of power, as the characters of second-rate black comedy with elements of horror. They do not want to be characters of a decent movie.

Brest blogger Siarhei Piatrukhin filmed a meeting of that Brest commission. It was a good satirical film. Let's start shooting all the modern Schwonders. They do not like it. They know that "The Heart of a Dog" is the documentary. Any episode will one day be shown not in the cinema, but the courtroom. We are unlikely to destroy the population of Schwonders with our telephone cameras, but at least we can cut them in number in the near future.

Are we going to make a film?

Iryna Khalip, especially for Charter97.org

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